Red Nose Day

Hello, dear readers, and welcome to the Red Nose Day Talent Contest!

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Red Nose Day, an English holiday, is a day full of comic relief in order to raise awareness for charity. Over at Doll-lightful Days Inc., famous contestants have been preparing for weeks to show off their exceptional talents with you as their audience. One stage against one red back drop means they are going to have to WOW you!

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I’m Miranda Rivers and I will be your hostess tonight, showcasing all those amazing acts that the performers have prepared. And don’t forget, after each act you can donate to a charity of your choice after each act using the toll-free number: 001-234-5609 (disclosure: number may or may not be valid :D). Last but not least, get ready to chose your favorite! Which performer has the most fantastic performance, the most moving back story, or is the best dressed? Are you ready? What are we waiting for?

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First up is the legendary Kimmy K!

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Kimmy: Hi, my name’s Kimmy K! I grew up a long, long, time ago (I mean it) and I’ve been working on my acrodancing (a combination of acrobatics and dancing) as long as I can remember. I’m a street-performer, and an expert classroom-performer, but this is my first gig, so I’m pumped!! My advice to any of you young gymnasts and dancers is, go out there and have a blast! Even though my acrodancing is based off some 1930s moves, I just go for it!  Cheers!

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The music starts and she’s up and away! Look at her go, folks! She hasn’t got a care in the world! She’s dancing to an old 1930s song, by the way 🙂

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A spectacular handstand pulled off right there… look at that beauty!

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The music comes to an end and Kimmy ends with stunning splits! Goooo, Kimmmmmyy!

What did you think of Kimmy? I’d say that piece of advice was pretty inspiring, wouldn’t you? And how do you think her routine looks? Take a moment to think about it and vote at the end!

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Up next is the accredited author, Charlotte White!

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Charlotte: Good evening, my name is Charlotte White. I have written several best-selling books and have become a very well-known English teacher. When I was asked to do an act for Red Nose Day, despite my total lack of stage-presence, I knew I could do nothing but have a stand-up comedy act concerning some of the subjects I feel passionate about. If you are looking for a chance to perform, I would suggest to choose a performance you feel means a lot to you and that you would love to watch as well.

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Charlotte: Hello. I’m here to do stand-up comedy. At the moment, I think me doing stand-up comedy is a joke itself.

*Awkward silence*

Charlotte: But I have prepared some of my very favorite and cherished jokes from the time I had first discovered the joys of the English language, so I will share them with you now.

*Awkward silence*

Charlotte: *pause* Knock knock.

Audience: Who’s there?

Charlotte: To.

Audience:… To who?

Charlotte: Now, you see, my dear audience, you have fallen into a very common trap. You cannot say ‘to who’ – you must say ‘to whom’. As for as I know, I am the only one who has responded in the correct fashion thus far, but I enjoy it very much when other people are misled… just as in so many of Austen’s novels. Jane Austen, you know, is a very famous author, particularly for her Pride and Prejudice, which has had two major movie adaptions, of which only one has been a success. But this, my audience, pales next to the exceptional novel itself… ah, are we moving on? OK. Let’s move on.

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Charlotte: And now for some of my personal favorites: bar jokes! I realize some of the audience is under-aged, so I will use “business establishment serving various food and drink”. Are you ready for this next one?

*Awkward silence*

Charlotte: OK. The past, the present, and the future walk into a business establishment serving various food and drink. It was tense.

*Awkward silence except for Amber turning around in embarrassment*

Charlotte: A question mark walks into a business establishment serving various food and drink?

*General sighs*

Charlotte: How about a synonym strolls into a restaurant? The explanation for that one, dear audience, is –

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Thank you so much, Charlotte! We feel so much more… enlightened!

Charlotte: Ah, but of course. I wasn’t quite done yet, however…

What did you think of Charlotte? Was her act funny? What did you think of her outfit?

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Give it up for our last performer: Colby Wilde!

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Colby: Hi, my name’s Colby Wilde. When I was a kid, I used to get teased a lot ‘cuz I wasn’t “cool”, I was more of a hipster. And we say that there is no such word as “cool” and we are cooler than the nonexistent cool! So that’s why I started singing all of my worries away, ‘cuz haters gonna hate! My advice to you is follow your dreams! No one cares! Do it! Peace out, love you guys, you totally rock.

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Colby starts singing the song I Will Always Love You, a classic. She’s staring off sort of shy, but she’s managing fine. I hear a promising voice, don’t you?

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Wow!!!!!! Would you listen to that voice! This girl has got it good! Get a load of this!

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I started crying, what about you? I know it’s sort of hard if you can’t hear her singing, but the point remains 🙂

So, what do you think? How was the talent show? Whose outfit was coolest, whose back-story was uniquest, whose act was greatest, and why? Tell us in the comments, and the star could get a shout-out in the future?

And now for the over-all poll. If you had to vote for one star, who would it be?

Thank you for watching! I’m Miranda Rivers, and enjoy your evening.

 

Gardening with Amber – a TV spoof

Good morning!!

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Welcome to Gardening with Amber (Season 1, Episode 1), a five-star mystery/action/lame gardening show sponsored by Doll-lightful Days TV! This episode (called: “Sorry, poor, freezing Americans”), the epic series starter, shows Amber investigating the various clues left around the garden and concluding… well, you have to watch to find out! Over to Amber.

Amber: Hello my darlings! Welcome to the garden! As you can see, I am ready to explore with my ultra-stylish gardening outfit!! By the front door we have stationed a cluster of beautiful flowers. Now, these were not found in our garden, because our garden has been pre-tty  busy…

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Amber: Get a load of this! We are well into our snowdrop season and have already started on the crocuses! Piece of evidence #1: flowers!

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Amber travels across the front yard, hunting for clues…!

Amber: Further investigation shows that crocuses are not the only flowers that are sprouting… these hyacinths are getting a head start too! Hyacinths don’t only come in pink, but also in purple, white, etc… who knows, we soon might have a whole spectrum! Evidence #2: More flowers! Follow me, we’re off to the backyard!

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In the backyard, there aren’t as many pieces of evidence, but Amber crawls through bushes to find a huge clue!

Amber: Purple isn’t the only variety crocuses come in…. yellow and white too! So pretty! Evidence #3: EVEN MORE flowers! OK, I think that’s all here. Kit, move out.

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Amber pops inside for a rest and spots piece of evidence number four: store bought flowers (yaaaayyy).

Amber: If the stores are selling lots of bright flowers, that’s probably a sign too! Evidence #4: ARE THERE ANY OTHER CLUES OR ARE THEY ALL JUST FLOWERS?

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Back in the studio against a completely fake backdrop, Amber changes into a less ridiculous outfit.

 

Amber: Have you solved the mystery yet? Let’s take a look at our evidence!

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Copyright Emma Hawthorne, NOT KIT KITTREDGE

Amber: Lots of crocuses and other various flowers, store bought, or not! So from this evidence I have concluded… ready…

Amber: THERE ARE LOTS OF FLOWERS IN OUR YARD!

Collective sigh from Emma and Willow.

Well folks, that concludes it for season 1, episode 1! Buy the new, extended DVD soon with this special feature:

 

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A Kit Kittredge production, starring the famous Willow McIntire; Cannibal Flowers! Join your favorite gardener and her short, varied and plastic companions as they discover the flowers that plan to consume the human race…

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And an never-see-before animated short, How Far Can He Push The Pumpkin? (Disclosure: We know it has nothing at all to do with gardening, flowers, or the current season, but lets all pretend it does.)

Only for $49.99! Buy it now before they run out!

Director: Kit Kittredge

Starring: Amber J. Williams as Strange Unfashionable Garden Weirdo

Costumes/props: Emma Hawthorne

Set design: Willow McIntire

Alien noises in background (music): Various humani

A Doll-lightful Days production, 2014, The Netherlands

Doll-lightful Days TV

Ratings: “I have never been so bored in my life!” – John Smith, Nevada

“The worst thing the television has yet to show; building igloos is more fun than THIS!” – Eva Johnson, Antartica

“The best show I have ever had the privilege to watch!” Nobody, Ever

Copyright: Kit Kittredge

Idea: Kit Kittredge

Credit goes to: Kit Kittredge

All hail the wonderful: Kit Kittredge

“Kit, okay, that’s enough!”

Disclosure: We may or may not be illegally constructing these flowers, filming these flowers and/or commenting on these flowers. These flowers have their own freedom of speech, and we are terribly sorry if we have offended any of them.